Prison Circle Authenticity

Shaan tells a story about an intense experience at Folsom Prison where he learned about authentic communication through a confrontation with an inmate.

"I went to this event called Inside Circle at Folsom Prison. My boss Michael signed me up without telling me much about it. We were going to meet inmates who had life sentences. When we walked in, there was this one guy who stood out - wearing sunglasses, had a cane but wasn't blind, had two guys escorting him around. I immediately thought 'this is the alpha, the guy who runs the prison.'

We broke into smaller groups of six, and of course, I get paired with this tough guy. People started sharing really intense, traumatic stories. By the third person, I wasn't even listening anymore - I was just panicking about what I would say when it was my turn. I didn't have any intense trauma like these guys.

When it got to me, I started performing. I told this family story from my past, doing dramatic pauses, trying to make it emotional. I thought I delivered it well. Then the tough guy goes, 'Man, that's some bullshit.' I said 'No, that really happened,' and he said 'I don't care if that happened, you ain't really feeling that.'

He asked what I was really feeling right now. I said 'I'm feeling nervous.' He asked why, and I said 'Because I want you to like me.' I thought I just said the lamest possible thing one man could say to another. But he paused and said 'That's your truth' and got up, hugged me, and sat back down. He hadn't cracked a smile the whole time, but now he was laughing. He had scared me, got me to break, but also showed me it's easier to just lead with the truth than try to perform."