Thick vs Thin Desires

Andrew Wilkinson shares insights from the book "Wanting" about how our desires are often shaped by others rather than coming from within. He explains the concept of mimetic desire and how to identify what we genuinely want versus what we're conditioned to want through social modeling.

• Mimetic Desire Explained:

  • People want things that are modeled to them by others
  • Simple example: Wanting a martini because your friend orders one
  • Complex example: Wanting venture funding because peers raised from Sequoia

• Thick vs. Thin Desires:

  • Thick Desires (Intrinsic):
    • Come from within yourself
    • Don't need external validation
    • Example: Enjoying gardening without posting about it
    • Not part of your identity or done to impress others
  • Thin Desires (Extrinsic):
    • Modeled by others
    • Driven by peer pressure or social status
    • Example: Wanting a Rolex because peers value them

• Different Bubbles Have Different Desires:

  • San Francisco: Fundraising and valuations
  • New York: Wealth and art collections
  • LA: Awards and restaurant reservations
  • Each community has its own status symbols

• Identifying Your Models:

  • Ask yourself: "Who do I not want to succeed?"
  • Look for people who slightly bother you or are ahead of you
  • These are likely your mimetic rivals

• How to Navigate Mimetic Desire:

  • Align with people who share your thick desires
  • Carefully choose who you read about and spend time with
  • Consider opting out of certain status games
  • Example: Dave Chappelle moving to Ohio to escape industry pressures

• Warning Signs:

  • Group behavior patterns (e.g., friends all buying new cars within a year)
  • Pursuing goals that don't actually make you happy
  • Living by arbitrary rules set by others
  • Example: Michelin star chef living in fear of losing status