Shift vs. Support Response

A communication framework that distinguishes between shifting conversation focus versus supporting others to go deeper.

Shift vs. Support Response Framework

• "Shift" responses redirect conversation energy back to yourself
• "Support" responses help the other person explore their topic more deeply
• People generally appreciate support responses more than shift responses
• This concept is particularly relevant in dating and relationship contexts

Examples of the framework in action

• Shift response example:

  • When someone says "I'm going to Lake Tahoe this summer"
  • Responding with "I went to Lake Tahoe last summer"
  • This redirects the conversation back to yourself

• Support response example:

  • When someone says "I'm going to Lake Tahoe this summer"
  • Asking follow-up questions like:
    • "How did you choose Lake Tahoe?"
    • "Have you ever been there before?"
    • "What are you most looking forward to?"
    • "Have you ever traveled with your family before?"

Why support responses are more effective

• Shows genuine curiosity about the other person
• Makes the other person feel interesting and valued
• Demonstrates active listening skills
• Creates deeper connection through follow-up questions
• Particularly effective in dating contexts
• Aligns with the principle of "be interested, not interesting"

Additional communication tips

• Remember details from previous conversations and follow up on them
• Ask about important events (e.g., "How did that big project go?")
• Focus on making the other person feel heard and understood
• People enjoy talking about themselves when someone shows genuine interest
• Small gestures of remembering details "go so far" in building connection